madafakarovsky

Welcome to my personal blog, don't expect a good read, they're only the thoughts of a mad man.

Category: childhood

Best year I had, thank you guys

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I’m going through …-something- , right now, I don’t know what it is, maybe is that mid life crisis I’ve heard so much of, or maybe is something else. I’ve spent my afternoon in my bed with no desire to wake up, I laughed and cried, remembering the year before I came to London, before I was on my own. I remembered, everything, my friends, my lovers, everything came clean. Back then I wasn’t happy with myself, I was recklessly spending my mother’s money on booze and smokes. I was drunk almost every day, I was in a pub, I can call it my pub becasue fuck it, 70% of the people from there knew me, it was perfect, no school, no responsability, nothing.

I would barely see the light, I would just go in the pub which was at a basement level, like, no windows there, no “natural light” and i would only get out of there to buy cigarettes. Nights spent lurking behind the blocks, nights spent at friends, fights with my father because he thought I was a worthless piece of crap; I still live in the past, I know but I can’t get rid of it, maybe for you my friends, it doesn’t mean too much, maybe your life is still like that but mine isn’t and without a doubt, that year, was the best of my life, some of you took advantage of me, like i give a flying fuck, we still had fun.

Preda, remember that time we thought of “killing outselves” ? taking pills and drinking until we can’t take it anymore, and then smoking shit? singing(you had your guitar with you), damn how awesome that time was. Dude, you were there like every god damn time, all the drinks I had were with you(most of them for sure)

Mieko, remember that time we took the bus, drunk to somewhere I can’t remember thinking it was fun but then realising we have to wave a car to return? haha ,was a fun short ¬†road trip, or the endless nights spend gambling?, miss those, man.

Crina, remember all those times we were together but we barely spoke anything important? like somehow we were too shy to share what was really on our soul?

Robita, what can I say, you saw me drunk almost every time in that and not only, you saw me drunk more than anyone else, all the fucked up times we had at Dromi or when we took the taxi back home with the little bottle of jaggermeister because we just didn’t have enough, when we discovered jaggermeister, that was like the best thing in our life that’s our drink, now and forever.

Dromi/Alex, well, you knew me since I was a kid but last year, we had some times, the one that comes to me and I see it clear as day is when we were on skype, drunk and you were hitting the keyboard and spitting beer all over the place, gosh how much we laughed that time.

Ion, fun to mention, you were my best friend but you weren’t drinking or smoking shit with us, you didn’t go out with us but still, we went out for the chill coffee in Green and you’ve also lent me a place to stay when I didn’t want to go home.

Irina, I have no idea how you fell for me, I was drunk, like all the time, no idea what you’ve seen at me. Time spent with you was different, that week, I was open, I could talk to you, I needed that, you saved me back then, thank you.

Only when I think of it, of that year, more specific, that summer, was beautiful, my last summer of being reckless, thanks guys for making it unforgettable.

 

 

Good boy

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While I was writing my previous post I mentioned my childhood companion, Leo and it brought tears to my eyes thinking about him. I think he desserves to be written about since he was such a big part of me.

Leo, he was the second dog i ever had, my grandfather brought him from a friend when he was still a puppy. His fur was golden and I remember his dumb face when he was brought in, he couldn’t realise what was happening to him, he was taken away from his family and brought to a new one. While he was a puppy, I would often play with him but it was until he grew up that he became my companion, compadre. He was like 30 cm tall, he wasn’t pure bread but that didn’t stop me from loving me, and shouldn’t stop anyone from loving an animal.

I was a kid, 10 years old and I would love to annoy him, I remember holding his front legs and kicking the others making him fall, even after doing it a couple of times he would still let me do it again and again. He bit me a couple of times and I would provoke him even more saying “C’mon, is that all you got? bite harder” and after I’d grab his tail, push him, bully him most likely just to get him nervous and bite me harder, my hands had so many bites and scracthes from him hehe, good times.

I remember siting on the bench with him, in front of my house and just watch him tail cars for 10m and then coming back, dissapointed he didn’t get them, how could he? They were speeding with 30mph.

I already mentioned the time me and him would chase butterflies in the lucerne, he used to have so much fun and after, his breath stinked like hell.

He was a tough dog, I remember him getting in one fight, his fur beeing covered in blood and some marks were left on his face. Even so, he didn’t want me to take care of him, he wouldn’t let me, not because he was hurt but because of his pride, he dind’t want me to think he was weak.

A friend of mine wanted to hit me with a stick and he jumped him and bit him on his belly, my friend bursted out in tears and Leo ran away afterwards, he was ashamed of his deed but he did his job, he protected me.

I used t throw him a stick, a stone or something far away so he would chase it and then run from him just so he would chase me with his full speed, damn he was fast, could get back to me in a couple of seconds.

I’ll skip a lot of our adventures and I’ll get to what I loved about him, whenever I felt sad, I had a bad grade or I’d get in a fight with my parents, I’d be in the gaden sometimes crying, he used to come to me and sit with me, like he was listening to my sorrow, lick my toes or fingers, he would do anything to bring some joy to me and most of the time he succeded.

The day he died, he was hit by a car, in the evening; I knew he was outside, he was barking at something but I figured out it was nothing important, I just stood there and talked with my friend when a hard hit was heard, I prayed it wasn’t him and rushed to the game and there I saw him, laying on the street in a pool of blood, I rushed to my grandpa and I gotta say, that was the first time I’ve seen my grandfather sad, Leo was his favourite as well, all the family loved him and even now, I can’t get that picture out of my head; The picture of my grandfather dragging him in the backyard, leaving a trace of blood behind him and slowly breathing, waiting for his time to come. I went in the backyard to him, the ground around him was red and I still remember him looking at me and heavily breathing, I just stood there doing nothing, I couldn’t do anything because there was no vet around for miles and his injury was too bad to be healed anyway; i couldn’t watch him for more than 2 minutes and I went back inside, next day he was gone, only the blood was left, my grandfather burried him in the garden, the only animal ever burried in that garden, he meant so much to all of us.

Days after the incident I kept having nightmares, like it was my fault, I could’ve brought him in but no, I thought it was fine and one moment later he was gone.

Whoever is reading this, please cherish your pet, he may not be everything to you but you’re his whole world and he loves you unconditionally.

RIP Leo, you were a good boy and I’ll always cherish your memory nad I’ll bring it to my grave when the time comes, you were a good boy, best I will ever have. Shame on me that I go no picture of you, I would frame it and forever keep it but no worries, your picture is clear in my head.