Thoughts surface

I started writing this with the intend to let it out, I’m in a phase of my life when everything is going downhill and I can’t help myself but question if I did the right choice coming here, leaving everything behind; was I brave? or just stupid. I’ve wasted 7 months on nothing, only building up deabts and these are 7 months I can’t take back, away from everyone I love, I came with a purpose, to look for “my great perhaps” but all I do is waste pretious time on things that have no soul. I’m fucked up, young and fucked up with no clue of what future holds. How many times can I tell myself it’sgonna be alright, just keep going, I managed to get over a 2 months depression and now that things seemed to get better, I feel like a hand is pulling me back to that shithole.
I wanna keep on going but having so much anger and so much mixted thoughts, it just seems impossible right now to lay them down, I can’t think straight, I’m poisoned with guilt and regret, it’s a new feeling I wasn’t expecting to surface this soon. Loneliness drives me insane, stupid people makes me mad and lack of activities make me useless, this is the life I’m living now, a pointless one;
but I hope
I still do,
That redemption will come
I gotta find
my saviour
my “it’s all gonna be fine”
I know it’s there
waiting for me to reach it
And until then
I can only drag my pieces
till’ she will glue them together
And only then
I’ll be fine
Cause love
yes, love
It is the only antitode
for a broken soul.